i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
