This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
