wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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