We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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