It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
pray to the hookup gods
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
