My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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