I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
