I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
