Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
