i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
