How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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