God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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