Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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