I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
