doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
