Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
