Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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