I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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