Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
