I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize