Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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