Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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