just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize