If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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