She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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