You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
