just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
