Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
