If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
