she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
