Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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