im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
