Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
