Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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