She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
