I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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