i will never coherently bang her
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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