Dual....:-)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
