Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
