I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
