stop calling my apartment porn island.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
