I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
