I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
