does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
