My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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