my mouth tastes like poor choices
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
