paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
