In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
