So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
