Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
