I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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