dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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