Sry I called you an 8
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
