Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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