it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
one two three fourrrrnication!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
