There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
