my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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