She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
