Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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