so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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