Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
