you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize