I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
