I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
