i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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