Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can I color on your dick again?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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