I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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