States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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