I want to make a zoo with you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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