Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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