im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
