you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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