Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
