I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
