...so i touched it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize