is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She announced her abortion via fbk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
