Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
