Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
