i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
