Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
