Me too!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Randomize
