she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
