I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
