That's intense
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
