her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
dude. I can hear the air.
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