my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
